Deadlines

School is about to start and I am feeling restless. I want to go back to school and be productive. I need school right now. My search for employment has so far been both unsuccessful and degrading. Searching for work is the most loathsome of tasks. Seriously. I would rather go in for a pap smear than fill out online applications and take those personality tests. Those and the basic math questions are the worst. Yes, I can add and subtract, folks. The personality tests are so obviously trying to weed out shoplifters and people who suffer from depression (which is messed really messed up). I hate to break it to you, Big Box Stores of America, but working for you is totally depressing in and of itself. The key to taking these tests is to lie. You make yourself sound like Mary Poppins because it's what they want to see. I can understand the whole shoplifting thing though as I think stealing is pretty terrible. I think these tests are trying to weed out dummies as well. I mean, anyone who admits that they steal on a job application test has got to be a complete moron. Sorry, but these companies just aren't going to value your honest and raw opinions of life when you "tell it like it is" or whatever.

It's also a really shitty feeling to be rejected from places that sell toilet paper and Hot Pockets. (There is a definite correlation between those two items that I will not address, especially when using the word 'shitty' in the same sentence). Please, please, hire me to wear a smock/visor/apron/khaki pants/name tag so that I can have a boss nearly half my age for $7.25 an hour. I know I sound bitter and I am. I really really am. I have worked since I was old enough to babysit at twelve (I had to buy my own school clothes in junior high). I will admit though that getting even a not-so-awesome job right now will bring some relief. I need work because I need the money, but I also need to get out of my house and out of my head for a bit. Being unemployed is really not fun after a while. I thought I would make more art, but it didn't happen. I ended up cleaning my house a lot and watching the Cosby Show in its entirety. Productive and fun, right? I have come to the conclusion that I need deadlines or things just won't happen. Which brings me back to school. I need school because I not only need a skill set to hopefully avoid the endless parade of low-level shitty jobs (I'm working on shitty job #20, by the way),  I need some deadlines and structure. So, I am taking ceramics and metal work this semester along with some other courses, thus forcing myself to make art and get off of my sofa.

Speaking of deadlines, my besty has talked me into doing the NaNoWriMo (or the long version National Novel Writing Month) that takes place from November first through the thirtieth. I have some materials that I will get together and I will sign up this week. I am terrified of the challenge, but I think the deadline will put the proverbial fire under my ass which is a good thing because I need the pressure. I am also attempting to draw for the first time since I was fifteen (maybe?) and I don't care if it's good. I just need to be doing it. The same applies to life. I just need to be doing something.